Where do I begin?

Life has been chaotic to say the least… So smart me decides that is a good reason to  put off updating everyone with a blog post! In my head I was like, “I have so much I need to catch my readers up on…I need to find a time to write an update” so then the daunting thought of updating everyone was weighing down on my so I just kept pushing it off an off until here I am… with pretty much a book of updates to write (well, a second one). But I won’t just unravel everything on this post because no one has time/ nor cares that deeply about all the life changes, so let me just start with some basics.

I moved. I love my new job. and I am single. Okay, see you on my next post!

 

Ha, kidding I won’t leave it at that. But I feel like so much of my pasts blogs were about my relationship so I initially was going to just go radio silent and then pick back up after I moved as if nothing changed since I didn’t feel very comfortable/ or ready to broadcast my break up-but I can’t just ignore the elephant in the room… if I came back here acting like nothing changed I would hope all of you would stop reading my blog and call me out on my bullshit.. because that would be incredibly fake.

In all honesty, I am doing really okay. I am not curled up in a ball crying- I mean, I am not going to say it was one of the better moments in my life, but trust me, I’ve been through a lot worse in my life than a break up.

So jumping from that, I decided to move. The old place was great, but the memories from there are meant to be just that, memories. I needed out. I moved to the West End and so far I love it. Me and Sampson are living the singles dream. But I feel like I am starting to live like a bachelor- with a few rolls of sushi and three bottles of wine being the only thing that fill my fridge. Well, now that I don’t live above a whole foods what do you expect from me… to actually walk to the wholefoods that is 5 minutes down the street? God no.

That is it for now. I will be back with new blog posts about whatever else pops in my mind. Missed you!

Beat up at the dog park? | Storytime

So this happened. I was out at the dog park area behind my apartment (which is pretty much just an area for them to go to the bathroom that is gated)… this man also came along with his mini bulldog… Sampson of course ran over to play with him once he entered the gated area (Sampson is obviously larger, but would never hurt another dog) the man grabbed Sampson by the neck as he was trying to play with his dog… so I walked over and said “let my dog go..” he refused.. So I repeated.. “let go of my dog” very sternly… again, he refused… he was holding tight onto his neck (not collar), we exchanged a few words, then he said “control your dog” and sort of threw him towards me (mind you my dog is still a puppy and just wants to play… I bring him to the dog park EVERYDAY and there has NEVER been a complaint), once he let go of my dogs neck, I grabbed onto his collar to just let this mans dog go to the other side of the gated area to the go to the bathroom without Sampson trying to play…and instead of him ending the confrontation, the man continues to repeatedly call me a “C*nt….Piece of Sh*t…stupid American,” at that moment I just laughed and smiled because it was so absurd to me that a grown man would use these words (he had to be about 35+), and as I continued to hold onto Sampson’s collar he starts screaming “Just get the F*ck out of the park now..” and of course I was not going to leave… I mean first of all, don’t dare say that to me, and secondly, I was there first. So I let go of Sampson’s collar to allow him to run around and like most dogs would, he went back over to his dog to play…and then the man goes, “Okay if you won’t leave then..” and tightly grabs Sampson by the neck.. lifts him above the ground (I would say about to my height) walks him towards the gate and sort of throws him down… and Sampson was yelping incredibly loud during all of this. I of course ran over screaming “are you kidding me…?” he then got in my face and said, “nope, I am not” then pushed me a little..I was so taken back, but stood my ground.. “what, are you going to hit me?” he got closer “you don’t think I will?” then he put his hand in my face and pushed me backwards… I am not lying about any of this, we got into a physical altercation. So I told him I was calling the police… and he goes “not if I do first” so we ended up both calling. Regardless of all that happened, why does someone own a dog and when they don’t even understand the concept. DOGS play… my dog is around other dogs on a daily basis and has never had an issue, sorry that you are little bitch (no pun intended) and can’t handle you little white bulldog getting dirty. I am not even as upset that he put his hands on me as I am that he put his hands on Sampson.

Christmas Wishlist!

I don’t if this is just a post that I want to do… or if its a post solely made to be a major hint for Adam and Santa….. 🙂 🙂 But really, I just thought this would be a fun post to do- and since you all know I am already in the Christmas spirit… check out some of the things I want to find under the tree… along with a wad of cash.

1. Pleather leggings
2. Neutral Color trench

3. A new area rug- Sampson has pretty much destroyed my current one.

4. A new comforter… Doesn’t this look so warm…

5. Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundations

 

That’s all I can think of for now… well, also a nose job but I don’t think anyone will be getting that for me…;)

Tuesday Confessions

So, during my blog stalking I noticed a blog post that many bloggers participate in on a weekly basis- this blog post is usually called (day of the week) confessions. So, since I am posting it on a Tuesday it would be called ‘Tuesday Confessions...’ which sounds like a porn title or something….. but don’t you worry, it is not. I feel like most people do it on Friday and they sort of just say things they did that week and put the saying ‘I confess’ before it. But I don’t really follow the rules of what most bloggers do. Lets get to it.

I confess… I am currently watching Elf. This is awful because November 10th. What has even gotten into me? I’ve never been one to obsess over Christmas.

I confess… I actually put the Christmas tree up in our apartment… again… NOVEMBER 11th. I confess… It was my moms birthday yesterday and we celebrated that night. She was really, really enjoying her time. There is just something so wonderful to see her truly happy even if its for a moment.

I confess… when I was feeling really down recently… I was sulking, crying and just inconsolable at one point… and during the whole melt down I scrolled past this on Instagram and it couldn’t have been a better sign from my sisters.

I confess… I received a really awesome e-mail the other day and it was just what I needed.

I confess…I have been hanging with Adam as he closes the restaurant, and that is around 2AM every night… so that means every night I have been eating tacos and other food you probably shouldn’t be eating at 2AM.

I confess… My weight and eating have been weighing heavy on me again, I never want to fall back into my eating disorder habits again so I need to nip this in the bud ASAP.

Those are my current confessions. I think this is a fun way to keep people updated on some things going on in this crazy-all over the place- mind of mine, so I will keep these coming.

10 things that have changed me since losing both of my sisters.

1. I’ve realized the importance of life. I learned how fragile it is and how I must take advantage of every opportunity that crosses my path.
2. I think more about my future then I ever have… “who will I confide in when I am older?” I see my mom and her sisters and how close they are, and I can’t help but think how I will never have that.
3. I appreciate time spent with my mom so much more, and her strength is truly, truly inspiring.
4. It has made me question God and heaven…I try to pray to Lindsey and Ashley… but then I think.. “can they even hear me? or am I just talking to the sky?”
5. I think about my future children… they will never meet their aunts. All they will ever hear are stories… and I know personally that those stories don’t mean nearly as much as they would if you had actually met the person. I want them to love them as I did… but they won’t.
6. I HATE ‘National sibling day’ and I hate social media on the holidays…
7. Speaking of holidays… I don’t get nearly as excited about them.
8. I also have a hard time being around siblings, whether it be friends or cousins, because I see how close they are and I know I will never have that again. And when people tell me “you are a sibling to me” I smile, but I know its not the same as your actual siblings.
9. I realized that being strong is both a blessing and a curse.
10. I have a lot less sympathy for people and situations when they are so trivial.

Being more personal?

Is it Thursday?? I don’t know…my days have pretty much been running one into the other. I took time off work after Lindsey’s passing… losing two sisters within the last 3 years called for time off (it also helped that the company I was working for was bought out so everyone that worked there is now job-less.. I got that text at 1030 at night after Lindsey passed…#life). With this time I have learned that I really love cleaning LOL. I am obsessed with keeping my apartment spotless, and Adam gets annoyed that I vacuum every day because Sampson acts like the vacuum is literally a monster from hell- anyone’s dog do this? HAVE I BECOME DOMESTICATED??

I wanted to take this time to Blog more and I feel like I haven’t done that at all. I really just blank whenever I log into my account. What do I even say at this point? I feel like a black cloud is constantly following over me in life. The saying ‘when it rains it pours’ is like x10 for me. But I got a few nasty comments on my blog (people if you want to come off anonymous and talk to me, please do…) I was going to just take a break all together. But then I read an old post ‘the man behind the blog,’ where Adam had made a comment “I wish you would be more personal…” and it really hit me, I hate reading blogs that seem so fake, you know the ones– This is my really cute life… this is my really cute outfit…this is what I did this weekend…it was perfect….. blah blah blah. So, I have decided I am going to be more candid with you guys. All the nitty gritty.

So what else is happening in my life right now? We are saying good-bye to my child hood home. I will tell you the reason for why we are getting rid of it in another post- but for now I will just use this post to tell you how much it sucks. I understand it is something that needs to happen for my moms sake.. I mean, you walk down the hall way and you see two rooms where my sisters use to stay. The rooms are still set up the exact same way as if they never left. It is like you have to hold your breath every time you walk by them. And because I now live on my own, my poor mother was living there on her own. It is just unbearable. So she has moved to a new place, one that is a good size for just her (our old house was about 5,500 square feet- insane for one person).

So this weekend we are doing a huge, open house (selling everything inside) sale. It is an everything must go type of thing. My mother doesn’t want to really be there when it all goes down because she doesn’t want to see all of her things things being sold- which makes sense, so I have recruited all of my awesome cousins and Adam to help me out! Thanks guys, you da best!

Well that is it for now… I am going to get back to my scary movie watching.

The new apartment.

UGH! I just wrote this entire post, pictures included….. and something happened, I am not sure exactly what happened, but the whole thing was gone. So lets try this again!

I have been asked a few times to post pictures of my new apartment, so here it is. I moved to the new Ink Block apartments in the South End. We live above the new Whole Foods- there is literally an elevator straight to the doors of WF- safe to say I am going broke.

Anyway, this post is going to have way more pictures than writing (I am sure you are all excited about that…)

When you walk into our apartment you see a rolling bar that has alcohol on it (duh) and some of me and Adams little memories and ‘treasures’

Then you look straight and see our living area (if you call it that in such a small place)… where Sammy hangs! This is really his apartment and we just live in it.

There is a floor to ceiling window which I love. At night the skyline area is pretty, and it is right near the harbor so whenever there is a fireworks show- we get a home viewing!

Then to my favorite area (no, not because I cook.. I don’t know how to cook, I just think its purrtttty) the kitchen!

If you couldn’t tell, I got into the fall spirit a bit.

Here is our bedroom- it still needs some work… and we have a decent sized walk in closet to the left, but it is so messy I am too embarrassed to show you.. so for now this what you guys get-

We also have a floor to ceiling window in the bedroom… you can kinda see Sampson’s bed, he likes the view 🙂

Another one of my favorite features!!!

And though our apartment is pretty small, our bathroom is a really nice size! And lol at the toilet paper…

So that is pretty much it for now, once I clean up the closet, and fix up the bedroom, I will update you. And bare with me on these updates- I am new to wordpress and really don’t get it just yet!

Sisterless.

                                           

My last post was on September 13th… Lindsey died on the 14th. I have been avoiding this post for awhile now- simply because I still think I am in a dream, or rather, a nightmare.

Before I dive into that terrible day, I want to talk about how both of my sisters were born with Cystic Fibrosis. I lost Ashley on June 14th, 2012.

I took two sleeping pills on September 13th.. I was exhausted, but for some reason I could not fall asleep. TWO pills and I was still rolling back and fourth. Adam kept waking up (slightly annoyed) to ask if I was okay. I told him “I can’t sleep… my body is on fire.” He touched my back, “holy sh*t Mack…” he then touched my head to see if I had a fever, “you don’t have a fever, but your body is literally burning.” I can’t even begin to explain this feeling to you, it was like a burning sensation coursing through my veins. It was miserable. I continued to roll around the bed uncomfortably… jealous of Adam as he slept soundly.

My phone began to go off… I assumed it was my alarm, and that I had just stayed up all night and it was now 7AM. I sat up and grabbed my phone… Adam had woke up in the meantime, “uhh why is my mom calling me at 630AM?” I asked him with a look of confusion. I pondered for a second to think if I had done anything to really tick her off…

“Hello?” I heard her whimper through the phone…without hesitation, “the hospital called, Lindsey is un.. unresponsive.” I was confused. Let me preface for a second, Lindsey was in the hospital for a common problem- pneumonia. She has gotten this many times, and aside from that, her health was fine.

As awful as this sounds, I sort of thought my mom was being dramatic. She tended to make the worst out of everything… and she has every reason to, but I am usually the more ‘level headed’ one of the two of us. But regardless, I texted work and told them I wouldn’t be in. I got dressed, gathered my things, woke Adam up, and we headed to Lawrence General… Which is where she went because Mass General gave her the “we think you are fine… so um, just go to your closest hospital.” The truth- they didn’t want to deal with Lindsey…and shame on them.

As I drove to the hospital, I called my moms phones… “hello” came a voice from the other end, “why didn’t you return my text!!” I spewed out… “MacKenzie, this is your Auntie Debbie..”… “Oh sorry, I am on my way, how is everything going?”  There was then a moment of silence, followed with a, “you just need to get in here.” Right then, I knew something was serious- my Auntie Debbie wouldn’t have said something like that had it not been something really bad.

The drive to the hospital was excruciating.Was this happening all over again? It just didn’t seem real.

I got the floor that Lindsey was on, as I walked down the hallway I saw my uncle standing outside of a waiting room area… he looked at me, and then walked back into the waiting room. I could feel that the vibe was off… something was wrong. As I got closer, my Auntie Debbie walked out with a look of sympathy on her face, she shook her head, “I am sorry….” Everything just stopped in that moment. “No…” I screamed with tears dripping off my chin. “This is not happening again!” I turned around and walked away.

I asked the doctors, the nurses, anyone that walked by, what the hell happened… every response I got was, “honestly, we don’t know… she was fine last night, cleaning her hospital room, watching TV… she just didn’t wake up.”

There are no answers as to why she died, or what happened. At the end of the day, will answers make it better? Will it change the fact that by 25 years old I have buried two of my sisters?

I will remain strong, I really, really will. I just need sometime to decompress.

The Man Behind the Blog

I have a love/hate with Sundays…. Part of me loves it because its me and Adams only day off together (he is still passed out next to me as I type this…) but part of me hates it because it means tomorrow is Monday! I physically don’t understand how weekends go by so quickly. 

I thought this would be a fun blog post- and I have seen it traveling around on a few other blogs I read, it is a little interview with Adam hence the ‘man behind the blog.’ I asked him questions while we had lunch yesterday and these were the answers- 

1. Whats the name of my blog?

A:Breathe Easy…

M: nope

A:Uhh, Breathe Easy With Me.

3. What do you think about my blog?

A: Ummm (LONG PAUSE!!) I think that its very inspirational… but sometimes I think that it should be more personal. 

M: is that all?

A: No. I think its a representation of why I love you so much. And I was blown away by your story.

4. What is your favorite post that I’ve have written?

A: the one about me…

M: what one is that? haha

A: Any post about me 

HA! 

5. Who is the cook between you and your significant other? 

A: Definitely Me! (he was way too quick to answer that). 

6. Are you the date planner type or do you fly by the seat of your pants?

A: Fly by the seat of my pants! 

7. Tell us about a date-night-gone-wrong for you and your girlfriend. If it’s funny, all the better!

A: I last minute convinced you to see the hobbit even though you really didn’t want to see it.. and I ended up falling asleep during most of it. 

8. Let’s cover all the topics…sports…who are you rooting for in the Football this year?

A: Unfortunately, I am forced to root for the Patriots. But I am actually a Cowboys fan… 

9. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?

A: Italy

10. Think about your ideal vacation…are you in a cozy cabin, camping in a tent, or hanging in a hotel?

A: Hanging in a hotel

11. Are there any fall traditions that you have or would like to start? (think things like big picnics, summer activities, bonfires, or day trips!)

A: Apple Picking

12. Who would play your wife/fiance/girlfriend in a movie or TV show about your lives?

A. Jennifer Aniston

M: YOU ARE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU THINK SHE IS HOTT

A: Yeah but I think she would be good playing you. 

13. What song best sums you up?

A: (long pause) Eminem lose yourself.. 

M: why!?

A: Just because, uh, I don’t know I had to make it in this world on my own.. and in the song he talks about being scared to succeed, but pushing on to succeed anyway and that best represents how I am. 

He really liked answering these, so I will definitely be doing more!

Is it the Weekend Yet?

Labor day weekend you just were not long enough!!! People… I even had last Friday off along with Monday, but I still woke up Tuesday morning exhausted- dreading the thought of another week. 
My weeks have been busy… very busy! 
The week before Labor day I flew out to LA for work on Wednesday, and came back on Friday morning… did I mention the week right before that, I flew out to LA for work on Wednesday and came back Friday morning… yeah, I did that. The last two weeks I flew out to LA for a two day period and worked the entire time I was there. I was so tired. Like you think it sounds a lot cooler than it actually is.
I did get some cool pictures though- 

I was there for work and no play- but I did stop at In n Out because I am basic. 

The worst part is Adam works Friday and Saturday until close- so that is until around 3/4am, so coming back from California all I wanted to do was snuggle and lay in bed with him… but I couldn’t. He does have off Sunday so we make sure Sunday’s are our Fundaysszzzz. ha. But really, we spend the morning snuggling and drinking coffee- or I make him go get me a coffee from Dunks (thanks boo), then we spend time walking Sam (WHO IS HUGE BTW), and then we go out to dinner… but have to be home by 8 to watch Bachelor in Paradise (Adam loves that show as much as me). 

This particular Sunday we went to Anthems in Faneuil Hall.. it was our go to spot when I lived on Milk Street. He is a creature of habit and apparently loves their chicken sandwich. You would think since he works in the restaurant industry he would want to venture out a little more?? But nope. He also got the fried twinkies!! I swear if you have met Adam you know how skinny he is- where does the food go!? If I had a fried twinkie you would immediately see the weight gain, ha. 

On our walk home from Anthem I mentioned s’mores- we decided to stop at Walgreens and get all the essentials to make s’mores… yes Adam could fit more in that body. So we did what any city living person who wanted s’mores would do…

Once we realized the lighter wasn’t working- Adam put a piece of paper towel on fire and in a pan on top of the oven (Warning: this is dangerous…) They were actually delicious. 

Then last Sunday- Adam went golfing with his friends 😦 :(. Its okay, he asked way in advance- not that he needs to ask (crazy gf probz) but more because it is one of our only days together so it was just nice of him to ask. So I went back to my house in Andover and spent the day with my mom… which really came down to me watching tennis :(. Go Serena, I guess? I also brought along Sampson who is an odd pup- I love him so much, but I feel like he needs his own TV show… yes, that sounds weird, but I swear to you he has a huge personality. 

We ended up having a seafood bake for dinner and it was delicious!!

That is it for now. I still have some blog posts in my drafts that need to be published. Like the craze about Pumpkin Spice coffee? I have seriously been trying to drink it but just… can’t.