10 things that have changed me since losing both of my sisters.

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1. I’ve realized the importance of life. I learned how fragile it is and how I must take advantage of every opportunity that crosses my path.
2. I think more about my future then I ever have… “who will I confide in when I am older?” I see my mom and her sisters and how close they are, and I can’t help but think how I will never have that.
3. I appreciate time spent with my mom so much more, and her strength is truly, truly inspiring.
4. It has made me question God and heaven…I try to pray to Lindsey and Ashley… but then I think.. “can they even hear me? or am I just talking to the sky?”
5. I think about my future children… they will never meet their aunts. All they will ever hear are stories… and I know personally that those stories don’t mean nearly as much as they would if you had actually met the person. I want them to love them as I did… but they won’t.
6. I HATE ‘National sibling day’ and I hate social media on the holidays…
7. Speaking of holidays… I don’t get nearly as excited about them.
8. I also have a hard time being around siblings, whether it be friends or cousins, because I see how close they are and I know I will never have that again. And when people tell me “you are a sibling to me” I smile, but I know its not the same as your actual siblings.
9. I realized that being strong is both a blessing and a curse.
10. I have a lot less sympathy for people and situations when they are so trivial.

Is it the Weekend Yet?

Labor day weekend you just were not long enough!!! People… I even had last Friday off along with Monday, but I still woke up Tuesday morning exhausted- dreading the thought of another week. 
My weeks have been busy… very busy! 
The week before Labor day I flew out to LA for work on Wednesday, and came back on Friday morning… did I mention the week right before that, I flew out to LA for work on Wednesday and came back Friday morning… yeah, I did that. The last two weeks I flew out to LA for a two day period and worked the entire time I was there. I was so tired. Like you think it sounds a lot cooler than it actually is.
I did get some cool pictures though- 

I was there for work and no play- but I did stop at In n Out because I am basic. 
The worst part is Adam works Friday and Saturday until close- so that is until around 3/4am, so coming back from California all I wanted to do was snuggle and lay in bed with him… but I couldn’t. He does have off Sunday so we make sure Sunday’s are our Fundaysszzzz. ha. But really, we spend the morning snuggling and drinking coffee- or I make him go get me a coffee from Dunks (thanks boo), then we spend time walking Sam (WHO IS HUGE BTW), and then we go out to dinner… but have to be home by 8 to watch Bachelor in Paradise (Adam loves that show as much as me). 
This particular Sunday we went to Anthems in Faneuil Hall.. it was our go to spot when I lived on Milk Street. He is a creature of habit and apparently loves their chicken sandwich. You would think since he works in the restaurant industry he would want to venture out a little more?? But nope. He also got the fried twinkies!! I swear if you have met Adam you know how skinny he is- where does the food go!? If I had a fried twinkie you would immediately see the weight gain, ha. 
On our walk home from Anthem I mentioned s’mores- we decided to stop at Walgreens and get all the essentials to make s’mores… yes Adam could fit more in that body. So we did what any city living person who wanted s’mores would do…
Once we realized the lighter wasn’t working- Adam put a piece of paper towel on fire and in a pan on top of the oven (Warning: this is dangerous…) They were actually delicious. 

Then last Sunday- Adam went golfing with his friends 😦 :(. Its okay, he asked way in advance- not that he needs to ask (crazy gf probz) but more because it is one of our only days together so it was just nice of him to ask. So I went back to my house in Andover and spent the day with my mom… which really came down to me watching tennis :(. Go Serena, I guess? I also brought along Sampson who is an odd pup- I love him so much, but I feel like he needs his own TV show… yes, that sounds weird, but I swear to you he has a huge personality. 
We ended up having a seafood bake for dinner and it was delicious!!

That is it for now. I still have some blog posts in my drafts that need to be published. Like the craze about Pumpkin Spice coffee? I have seriously been trying to drink it but just… can’t. 

Life and things I love.

          It’s June… and it is not that warm… WHUT. Usually I would be annoyed with people who complained about how cold it was during winter (I was one of those people)… but then went off about how it was too hot once summer arrived. Well, we don’t have to worry about those people because I am currently wearing my fall jacket. 
Okay, okay… on to the life updates: 
I moved into the brand new Ink Block apartments in the South End. It works great because Adam’s work is walkable (yup, we moved in together!), and for me, it is right next to the highway, so the commute to my job is easy! 
Plus they are all about pups, they have a dog walking service, a puppy spa and even a tinkle room (yes, it is what you are thinking it is). So it is safe to say Sampson is in love. And the dog walkers make sure to send us pictures everyday after his walk! My face always lights up when I am at work and get a pic of my goofball… with his massive tongue always hanging out of his mouth. 
My one problem is the massive Whole Foods right below me… :/ I am going broke. 
And we have a pool that would be used way more if the New England weather would figure itself out. I did lay out on that one Saturday that was 85 degrees and it was fabulous. 

I am loving the new pad, and I will eventually post some pictures when I take them!
Here is a pic where you can kinda see some of the APT:
yes, Sampson and I love carrots. 
I went to the Boston Calling concert thanks to Margaret and Jack for giving Adam and I two VIP tickets. We also went to Emmets pub in Boston with Jack after the concert! It is weird to be walking down the street and have people snapping pictures of the guy you are with… I didn’t think people actually did that, but they do. 
The concert was awesome too, and Tenacious D killed it! 
This most recent Saturday the 8th, I got to go to another Polo Match in Newport, RI. I hadn’t gone to one since two years ago, and it was a lot of fun. I swear I had no idea what was going on, and couldn’t tell you who won… 
We had Ashley’s memorial service this past Sunday the 9th. It was emotional as usual, but it is always easier when you are surrounded by a bunch of great people. Her anniversary is actually on the 14th. 
After we went to Aquitaine with my family and had a great brunch. 
Then we went to my cousins rooftop and I took some kewllll pics, 
And just to end this update post on an amazing note- here are some more pics of Sampson
His ears don’t know what they want. `

Four thangs

I saw this on some other peoples blogs and I thought it would be fun to fill out! It’s sort of like ‘busy work’ in school… or ‘fluff.’ Since I have been lacking with blog posts I wanted to get some material up and thought this would be the perfect wayyyyy… 
Four Names People Call Me Other Than My Real Name: There is quite a few because of my long name… who want’s to actually say the whole thing?
  1. Mack
  2. Mackenz
  3. Max
  4. Kenz   

 Four Jobs I’ve Had:

  1. I literally worked at a daycare.. wut?
  2. Research Assistant
  3. Social Media Specialist
  4. Marketing Manager
Four Movies I’ve Watched More Than Once:
  1. 13 going on 30
  2. Django Unchained
  3. Inglorious Basterds
  4. Limitless
Four Books I’d Recommend:
  1. I
  2. Should
  3. Read
  4. More
Four Places I’d Rather Be Right Now:
  1. Caribbean 
  2. Somewhere in Europe
  3. Singapore
  4. Some adventure with A 
Four Things I Don’t Eat:
  1. Red meat
  2. Ice cream
  3. Cookies
  4. I don’t like sweets- jus give me the BAG OF CHIPS!
Four Of My Favorite Foods:
  1. BREAD
  3. BREAD + OIL
  4. Carbs
Four TV shows I Watch:
  1. Bobs Burgers- A and I’s Favvvvv. 
  2. Law and order SVU- I am completely caught up. 
  3. The Bachelorette
  4. Vampire Diaries, Revenge, Mindy Project- all either cancelled or lost a main character. 
Four Things I’m Looking Forward To This Year:
  1. Well, just moved in with A- so I am excited to see our life together 🙂 
  2. Summer adventures… to the cape, and other travels
  3. Seeing my pup grow! 
  4. So much pressure… IDK EVERYTHING!
Four things I’m always saying/thinking:
  1. “I remembaaaaa when chocolate was invented, ooooohh sweeet chocolate… I ALWAYS HATED IT”(spongebob reference you needs to know). 
  2. K byeeee.  
  3. I wanted to punch them. 
  4. you’re sooooooooo rude. 

That makes me sound like a brat… 

Chronicles of Sampson.

         Sampson is something else. I feel like one of those moms who says their kid is just the best, smartest, most athletic- meanwhile  everyone else is smiling along acting as if they agree, when they want to call bullshit. But I am serious when I say Sammy is the best. He isn’t the smartest- he actually is pretty dopey, but it is part of his charm. He is obsessed with people… but mostly me. Like, to the point where he can’t be without me or he will have a panic attack. Privacy while you are showering? HA, yeah right. He guards the door like someone is going to try to barge in. Going to the bathroom… I forget what it was like being alone during that time. I feel like I have a child. I sort of do. He yells at me… I mean literally its a barking/screech telling me I haven’t been as attentive to his needs. I lay on the bed… he jumps up and sits on my face. He also thinks he is a lap dog and lays on top of me, not understanding that he is going to one day be massive… like 120lbs.
        It’s kinda endearing. Today, Adam and Sampson walked me to our car so we had some more time together before we both went to work (I work from 9-5 and A works from 10-10 so are time is very limited). I arrived to the car, said my good-byes and headed to work. I heard sam barking a bit when I got in the car, but that was usually what he did whenever I left his side, so I plugged my phone in, turned the music on, and left. I pulled out of the lot and noticed Adam on the side walk with Sampson, Sampson was having a melt down. I waved to A, but he didn’t wave back. He called me later on in my drive to inform me that he had such a bad panic attack that I left, he refused to walk, was barking like a maniac, and tried chasing after cars thinking I was in them- so, Adam didn’t want to wave and attract his attention towards me or he would have went a little more crazy. 
       But can you imagine the people walking by him during his meltdown? Good lord. 
I read that German Shepherds were a one person dog, but I didn’t realize to this extent. I love him so, so much regardless of his clingyness. He is just too cute. You should follow his instagram (yes, he has an instagram) because its awesome @SampsonTheShepherd 

Here is a lil preview….

Hello There!

      Alright my blogging consistency is terrible. But I have a full time job, I moved to a new place, and have also had some traumatic things occur … but all in all, I am okay with not blogging. Life is moving, and instead of apologizing to the blogging community- I am happy with where life is moving, and where I am at this moment. 
      Buttttt, regardless of the happiness I have missed this little nook I have to vent/talk/bitch (vent and bitch are two different things)… so here I am, back at it.
And where do I begin? My job is great! I love the people I work with… and have become incredibly close with some of them. My pup pup- he is 5 months now!!! Yes… that little beeb in the post below is 5 months, crazy right? Speaking of 5 months… he gets his balls chopped (gruesome, I know) next month! Which he is not excited about (he only has one ball though, ask me about that for another post), but I am! He will become less cray cray. 
      My Boyfriend… ahhh where do I begin? It is weird for me to even explain this. I remember a year ago I was sitting in my room upset about past relationships, thinking I was destined to never meet a man again, nor did I have any desire to. I even posted an entire post related to ‘WHY I AM SINGLE’. During that time I tested out dating sites- nothing ever came from it, but I didn’t care. I was okay being alone. Some people don’t meet someone that they are with for the rest of their lives and they are okay…I thought I would be okay. But then I met Adam (while I was working as a hostess.. funny story that can be told in another blog post), and things changed. I pushed him away as much as I possibly could- helloooo I am a boss, a bad ass single female who needs NO man- but yet I wanted to be around him at every single moment possible. When I had a funny story- he was the one I needed to tell, when things got difficult… I just needed him to comfort me. This relationship was different, he was kind and gentle, yet put me in my place and motivated me to work harder for what I wanted. He was supportive, a best friend, the kindest man I’ve ever known, and someone who has shown my unconditional love- a love I have never experienced aside from family members. So that is where we are. 
     I am starring at the prettiest view of Boston, and Adam is passed out so peacefully…let me tell you about that in another blog post too! I am sorry I am leaving so much blank, but seriously I don’t want to having nada to blog about and go MIA again, so I am leaving some things open ended. 
     Also, I need to make a special mention for my auntie Madeline who passed away on mothers day. She was the hardest, toughest, and at the same time, the kindest woman I have ever known- and she has a sea of people up in heaven waiting for her. I know that Ashley will be waiting with open arms. 

    Thank you everyone for sticking with me during this long hiatus- life is great aside from a few hiccups…And I will make sure to keep updating! 

To all you in the ‘no vaccination’ clan….

 *This is all my personal opinion, and it touches in a personal subject, feel free to X out if you don’t like what I write. 
          ‘Fads’, we just gotta get use to them because they will always be around. Every few years or so we start seeing something that just sticks, whether it be a style, word, group, whatever it is, it is something that more and more people want to be apart of because of the hype. Examples? Sure, gluten free foods- only eating organic foods- the all green lifestyle- love for bell-bottom jeans- the hate for bell-bottom jeans, the list goes on, and on. Granted, these things are perfectly acceptable for people to live by; that’s the thing about our society, we make the rules of how we live. Although many people swear these choices are made based on their own decisions and research, it seems they become more and more common with the level of ‘in’ they have in society, celebrities ranting and raving about the hot topic, people are bound to jump on the bandwagon, am I right? Hell, if Jennifer Lawrence is saying it’s the right thing to do, a sista just might do it. 
            Now, the list of ‘in’ things I just stated is something that I don’t mind people becoming a part of. To each there own, if you want to avoid anything with gluten- hell, you may miss out on some tasty foods, but again, that’s a choice YOU make.. And that’s the best part; it only affects YOU. Fad’s that only affect you- more POWER to you. But that’s the problem, sitting right by all these ‘no harm fads’, there are harmful ones, a particular one causes a rush of anger to flush through my body just from thinking about it.  This fad doesn’t just affect the person involved; no this impacts the world around them. This is the ‘anti vaccine’ fad of parents. I just really can’t wrap my head around this ridiculous decision, and it personally makes me sick. Lets lay down a few facts for you before I dive into why this makes me so angry- first,  
A vast minority of parents across the country, around 1.8 percent, opt out of vaccines by citing either religious or philosophical reasons. THIS [stupid] decision has had 16 states report cases of measles, making 2013 the second worst year for the disease since 2000. In August, the illness struck 21 people linked to a single Texas megachurch that eschewed vaccinations. And just last week, a new study concluded that vaccine refusals were largely to blame for a 2010 outbreak of whooping cough in California.”  There is evidence of outbreaks and more illness due to the lack of vaccination.
               These statistics should be proof enough for parents to smarten up? Wrong. You have people like Jenny McCarthy and Kristin Cavallari continuing to promote this nonsense (equating autism to vaccination, with no scientific proof… when did people stop listening to science?)
These parents don’t understand the harm they are putting into our world- causing outbreaks for a disease that was eliminated by the US, ‘measles,’ doesn’t that say something to them? Doesn’t that prove this whole idea of no vaccinations is only hurting our population.
But what pushes my buttons the most in regards to this ridiculous issue; it proves how selfish the human race truly is. It proves that these parents couldn’t care less about the well being of the child sitting across from theirs at lunch. It proves that stubbornness outweighs intelligence, and that the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’ shines all too bright for some.
             But why, instead of just rolling my eyes at the uneducated individuals that announce their stance, do I let it hit home? Well, I was born into a family with two immunosuppressed sisters. My sisters were born with Cystic Fibrosis- their immune systems were shot from the beginning of their lives. Pneumonia was going around? You knew they had to endure a hospital stint. As all the rest of the kids were running around the playground, my sisters were missing from that fun excursion. Missing from things became frequent for them, birthday parties, field trips, rehearsals… all because the flu that your child also got- affected them with much more intensity, it reeked havoc inside their bodies. They had to be hooked up to all sorts of IVs as they were contained to a hospital room to stare at the bare walls, pretending the sterile whiteness was a colorful jungle gym so that their imaginations could join the fun events that they were physically unable to.But, when flu season had passed, and their wasn’t a 24 hour bug floating around- my sisters jumped back into all of the things young kids should be involved with. Their lives transitioned from being bed ridden, to now active. They even had moments where they forgot about this devastating, incurable disease that lived inside them.
            Think about all the other kids who are immunosuppressed, think about the kids who have incurable diseases, or the ones who can’t get vaccinated because the vaccination will only cause more suppression towards their already suppressed system- these kids don’t want to be locked away in their bedroom once they’ve been released from the hospital, they want to enjoy their lives with as much freedom as possible. They want to go to school, walk around the hallway as if the word disease had never been invented. Unfortunately, because of the ignorance we live with, they can’t be so worry free. Now they must worry about the children who walk by them, because of the parents who still let there unvaccinated child roam freely around the same hallways as the child with cancer. The selfish decision made by these parents is devastating.
I just read a story of a young cancer patient who contracted the measles while at Disney World due to an unvaccinated child. THIS- I don’t even have to write this blog post, I don’t have to bitch and moan and call these parents selfish, that one little story says enough. But after reading it, I was so angry I just needed to add my two cents.

         Now let me touch on the celebrity ‘anti vaccine’ movement that has caused more and more everyday people to join in on this stupidity.  Without scientific proof, these people have jumped on the delusion that vaccinations cause autism… besides going into the, THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC PROOF YOU JUST SOUND DUMB, raid, I want to touch on something that didn’t sit well with me, what these parents are saying, in a roundabout way is- “we so badly don’t want our kids to have autism that we are willing to put them in harms way by keeping them from vaccinations- we are willing to introduce them to devastating illnesses, some with fatal side effects…because autism is worse” And if you want to argue that its unlikely they could die without vaccinations (unlikely being the key word there because you are leaving that up to chance), then let me lay down another thought, just so you are aware of how terrible your decision is- you so badly don’t want your child to have autism you are risking another child’s life. A CHILDS LIFE IS WORTH LESS THEN YOUR CHILD HAVING AUTISM. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING? Okay. I can’t even say anything else or I may toss my laptop out the window.