I was just reading an article that focused on how girls have been given this label of “crazy.” How females, if they show too much interest in the opposite sex, become less attractive… less desired. I just had to write my opinion on this, more than accurate, depiction of how our generation works within the dating… oops I mean “talking” world… I need to steer clear of calling anything a relationship now a days..because that borders on being way too CLINGY.
I have helped write texts for my friends, to the guys they are interested in, trying hard to make it sound like they are actually not interested in them at all. I’ve tried hard to depict the meanings behind the one word responses they get in return, or I try to dissect the ignored “what’s up” they sent. I’ve calmed my friends down from thinking they were at fault for simply saying, “hey what are you doing tonight?”by reassuring them that it didn’t come off too clingy. And I have tried my hardest to understand why these guys will come back a week later wanting to hang out after acting so distant. So when I read that blog post about this given label of “crazy,” I had to add my own thoughts.
I’ve heard guys refer to females as “crazy,” or just use the cop out that they have “major daddy issues,” on more than one occasion- actually, it’s the main insult guys divert to after a break up, hook up.. or if they stopped “talking” to someone they had been “talking” to for longer then two weeks (any adults reading this, the new thing is to never say you are DATING, literally the world might end if you do, so instead, call it talking. Funny how guys hate labeling relationships but have no problem labeling the opposite sex) I digress…. tossing around these names, crazy and clingy, makes me want to ACTUALLY go crazy. It makes me want to punch whoever uses them, square in the ball….ehem..face! ANYTHING a female does that shows even the slightest bit of interest in the opposite sex, constitutes her as too desperate, or too clingy… it becomes a “turn off.” Sorry that there are some females out there who are genuinely interested in seeing a relationship progress, actually I am not sorry that you find that type of thing obscene. When did relationships become taboo? And WHO is writing these guidelines about what is too much or too little when it comes to a girl communicating with a guy..because I find someone like Jeffrey Dahmer crazy, and don’t see how a girl texting a guy, “what’s up want to hang out,” puts her in that same category. And maybe you are a guy sitting here reading this, disagreeing, but this is certainly what society has made us believe.
And I know guys hate having their egos bruised, but news flash… not every girl who initiates a “what’s up” text, wants a relationship. It is normal for girls to really just want to know exactly what the text said-what’s up….There are no hidden meanings, no between the line messages, and certainly we aren’t sending those messages while simultaneously thinking of what we will name our first child, and where we should get our matching love tattoos. Stop thinking every girl that initiates a conversation is interested in dating you! They may just want to do exactly what you want to do- hang out, have a good time. There is a huge gap between ‘whats up’ and ‘when can I meet the parents?’
So I had to get some of my guy friends input on this topic… And these are the things I heard, “It’s just sooooo (this word was really emphasized) unattractive when a girl doesn’t put up a chase!” and “She can’t seem too interested, or I’ll get bored. But she also can’t be too disinterested.” Excuse me? So you are telling me I have to act interested and disinterested all the same time. I’ll do that then, because God forbid you get bored! I mean girls were put on this earth to make sure you are never bored, right?
Really though, what kind of world are we living in where we are taught that we need to show no interest, wait at least 3 hours to respond to a text, always make sure you wait for him to text first… And if he doesn’t text you first, wait a few days and then initiate small talk (going beyond small talk after initiating conversation seems too aggressive)… so you pretty much have to act like you hate them, with a hint of interest, in order to form a relationship with them? If you follow all of these… absolutely ridiculous… steps, you’ve won him over! Now he will stop acting like a confusing asshole (until the honey moon stage is over, at least) And you will also no longer have to give your friend your phone so she can edit that, what you thought was a simple “what are you doing tonight” text, to make sure it doesn’t have any mixed meanings.. or to check that you added just the right amount of exclamation points so you don’t give off the wrong vibe. And if he ignored that text.. Yes that simple what’s up text, and then texts you three days later asking what your doing… Don’t fret, it’s completely normal and you shouldn’t be confused by it, ha. Guys I want you to read all of these “rules” and then ask yourself, are girls really “crazy” or are we the ones driving them straight to crazy town?
I do get this isn’t always the case, and I do get people can get way too attached way too quickly… I’ve had my fair share of stage fivers… But that doesn’t go for every single girl. But to make every single girl think and act this way, because they fear that they may come off too clingy or “crazy,” is going to just diminish real relationships, real friendships (YES GIRLS CAN BE JUST FRIENDS WITH GUYS) and real love. I certainly don’t want to put in that much effort to get a guys attention.. By not giving him attention? Here is a theory… Let’s be honest with each other. “What’s up, want to hang out?” Example answer if you WANT to hang out.. “Yes definitely, what were you thinking?” You don’t have to ignore us, or try to look cool by saying your busy- that was cute when we were 18… In our twenties, it’s honestly just annoying. We don’t have time to beat around the bush! Here is an example for if you are not interested: “No thanks, I think I’m going to stay in.”And even if you aren’t really staying in, and just used that as an easy way out- that’s better then ignoring us, plus you should never underestimate a females intuition… We will get the hint and probably stop communicating with you! But then do not text us a few weeks later asking to hang out, because thats when the confusion comes back in! It’s really that easy… No need to throw all of these signals Into a blender, inevitably confusing the shit out of us. It’s not that we are crazy, you guys just have crazy expectations.