Where do I begin?

Life has been chaotic to say the least… So smart me decides that is a good reason to  put off updating everyone with a blog post! In my head I was like, “I have so much I need to catch my readers up on…I need to find a time to write an update” so then the daunting thought of updating everyone was weighing down on my so I just kept pushing it off an off until here I am… with pretty much a book of updates to write (well, a second one). But I won’t just unravel everything on this post because no one has time/ nor cares that deeply about all the life changes, so let me just start with some basics.

I moved. I love my new job. and I am single. Okay, see you on my next post!

 

Ha, kidding I won’t leave it at that. But I feel like so much of my pasts blogs were about my relationship so I initially was going to just go radio silent and then pick back up after I moved as if nothing changed since I didn’t feel very comfortable/ or ready to broadcast my break up-but I can’t just ignore the elephant in the room… if I came back here acting like nothing changed I would hope all of you would stop reading my blog and call me out on my bullshit.. because that would be incredibly fake.

In all honesty, I am doing really okay. I am not curled up in a ball crying- I mean, I am not going to say it was one of the better moments in my life, but trust me, I’ve been through a lot worse in my life than a break up.

So jumping from that, I decided to move. The old place was great, but the memories from there are meant to be just that, memories. I needed out. I moved to the West End and so far I love it. Me and Sampson are living the singles dream. But I feel like I am starting to live like a bachelor- with a few rolls of sushi and three bottles of wine being the only thing that fill my fridge. Well, now that I don’t live above a whole foods what do you expect from me… to actually walk to the wholefoods that is 5 minutes down the street? God no.

That is it for now. I will be back with new blog posts about whatever else pops in my mind. Missed you!

Beat up at the dog park? | Storytime

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So this happened. I was out at the dog park area behind my apartment (which is pretty much just an area for them to go to the bathroom that is gated)… this man also came along with his mini bulldog… Sampson of course ran over to play with him once he entered the gated area (Sampson is obviously larger, but would never hurt another dog) the man grabbed Sampson by the neck as he was trying to play with his dog… so I walked over and said “let my dog go..” he refused.. So I repeated.. “let go of my dog” very sternly… again, he refused… he was holding tight onto his neck (not collar), we exchanged a few words, then he said “control your dog” and sort of threw him towards me (mind you my dog is still a puppy and just wants to play… I bring him to the dog park EVERYDAY and there has NEVER been a complaint), once he let go of my dogs neck, I grabbed onto his collar to just let this mans dog go to the other side of the gated area to the go to the bathroom without Sampson trying to play…and instead of him ending the confrontation, the man continues to repeatedly call me a “C*nt….Piece of Sh*t…stupid American,” at that moment I just laughed and smiled because it was so absurd to me that a grown man would use these words (he had to be about 35+), and as I continued to hold onto Sampson’s collar he starts screaming “Just get the F*ck out of the park now..” and of course I was not going to leave… I mean first of all, don’t dare say that to me, and secondly, I was there first. So I let go of Sampson’s collar to allow him to run around and like most dogs would, he went back over to his dog to play…and then the man goes, “Okay if you won’t leave then..” and tightly grabs Sampson by the neck.. lifts him above the ground (I would say about to my height) walks him towards the gate and sort of throws him down… and Sampson was yelping incredibly loud during all of this. I of course ran over screaming “are you kidding me…?” he then got in my face and said, “nope, I am not” then pushed me a little..I was so taken back, but stood my ground.. “what, are you going to hit me?” he got closer “you don’t think I will?” then he put his hand in my face and pushed me backwards… I am not lying about any of this, we got into a physical altercation. So I told him I was calling the police… and he goes “not if I do first” so we ended up both calling. Regardless of all that happened, why does someone own a dog and when they don’t even understand the concept. DOGS play… my dog is around other dogs on a daily basis and has never had an issue, sorry that you are little bitch (no pun intended) and can’t handle you little white bulldog getting dirty. I am not even as upset that he put his hands on me as I am that he put his hands on Sampson.

Christmas Wishlist!

I don’t if this is just a post that I want to do… or if its a post solely made to be a major hint for Adam and Santa….. 🙂 🙂 But really, I just thought this would be a fun post to do- and since you all know I am already in the Christmas spirit… check out some of the things I want to find under the tree… along with a wad of cash.

  1. Pleather leggings Screen Shot 2015-11-22 at 12.43.23 PM
  2. Neutral Color trench

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3. A new area rug- Sampson has pretty much destroyed my current one.

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4. A new comforter… Doesn’t this look so warm…

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5. Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk Foundations

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That’s all I can think of for now… well, also a nose job but I don’t think anyone will be getting that for me…;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Happy Birthday Mom! You are the strongest person I have ever met- no matter what life throws at you, you remain a fighter. I hope to be even half the person you are today. You have impacted so many lives by your strength and perseverance, and I hope this video makes you realize that! You are so LOVED. I hope this sends your birthday off to a great start. 

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Fear

        I had a long conversation with a friend of mine the other day, she brought up a relationship of hers, talking about how she felt it just wasn’t worth it… then saying something that hit me like a ton of bricks, “I probably would have gotten hurt anyway… so there really was no point in letting my guard down and continuing to try to make it work.” … it took so much restraint to not literally shake some sense into her. In short, I nearly exploded. 
       WHY oh WHY do we think our lives would be better off if we just all together avoid, any possibility, of getting hurt… who cares if we miss out on some of the greatest times of our lives, hey at least we wont get hurt, right? Actually.. let’s just never get out of bed because doing so leaves us open to potentially being vulnerable. Yes, because that sounds like a great way to live. I am sorry if I am coming off blunt, and sort of harsh… but I can’t express how important it is for US to get over this fear! It is inevitable we will feel hurt sometimes, but that should never be the reason to run away from a relationship… avoiding relationships due to fear, is actually hurting your more then any relationship could.

       Relationships bring you affirmation, compassion, protection, and  just overall help shape your life, most times, for the better. If you avoid all relationships in fear of getting hurt, since everyone has the potential to “hurt” you, think about how lonely your life would be? Erase away half the memories that make you smile, those would be non existent. So is running away from people/opportunities, in fear of getting hurt, really worth it? 
 
       I know this may come off as me saying ALL relationships will be amazing, and bring you joy, but I understand that is 100% not true. I am the first to admit that some of my relationships have left me heart broken. I have lost people, been betrayed, and just went on a separate path as someone I love. I have cried, yelled, and felt like my life was “over,” but I would put myself through all of that again, and again, because it was all worth it. Those friendships, the laughs, the memories, the hurt, the tears, ALL worth it.
 
       Like I stated before, not all relationships will go smoothly, or be the epitome of happiness. Some may just be tiring, and quite frankly, miserable. THATS OK. I promise you, you will get through it, your life WILL NOT end. Relationships are worth it, all of them. It may take you a month, a year, or even longer after a relationship you had ends, but I promise you… you will eventually see how they have all helped you in some way…either by giving you a reason to look back and smile, helping you become a stronger person, or teaching you some sort of life lesson for the future. 

       So next time you question, “is it worth it involving myself in this relationship?” I can’t promise you that you won’t feel hurt at some point, but I can promise you that it will be worth it.   

Also, I started an Ask.FM account where you can ask my questions for my future Q&A videos (the link is right under my about me button)! I am also hoping to do a give away soon for all of my readers who have stuck with me throughout my hardships, lack of updates, and so on! I appreciate all of you more than I can even express. 

Freedom

         I feel like I have many realizations throughout my days, and every time I have one, I become eager to jump on my blog and share them with those who read my entries.  I often wonder if my realizations are relatable, or if it just sounds like me rambling away, with absolutely no direction. So I always write my thoughts down before I post them, and usually once I do, I see that these are all feelings and scenarios that most people have encountered in some way.
 
         I had the time of my life this past week/weekend. I spent it with the ones I loved, we laughed, ate, drank, and threw together some last minute halloween costumes. We talked about our worries, cried on each others shoulders, and soaked up every second of the time we had (pictures below). That time is now past, and here I am today, left alone with my wandering mind. I can feel myself falling back into that emotionless state. That, “I have nothing exciting happening in the next few days so why should I be excited?” type of mindset. Why, as humans, do we instantly turn to a darker place when we are alone?  When we don’t have any big things planned in the days ahead, we feel bored and lonely. The thing is, we don’t have to be doing something exciting just to feel excited. Be excited that you are alive, be excited that you are capable of reading this right now on whatever device you are using to view it. There are so many things that can bring excitement into our lives, and we don’t have to be surrounded by people or have amazing plans just to enjoy our time, yet we find it so hard to do so. This all relates to me as well. Thats why I started writing this post, I became so curious as to why, after such a great weekend, I was now feeling so lonely and bored. 
        One of the hardest things for me to grasp, and utilize, has been the freedom I have in life. The freedom we all have. I don’t have to feel sad, lonely, or bored…I can easily get into my car and go somewhere that makes me happy. Or go for a walk through the woods and soak in the shining sun and beautiful fall colors. I can watch a movie, read a magazine, paint my nails… the fact of the matter is, I can really do anything I want. Freedom is possible, we don’t have to be doing the things we are currently doing at this very second (in my case letting my boredom and loneliness get the better of me), it is all a choice. We preach freedom, sing about freedom, and yet we stay trapped. We continue our journey throughout life doing the same old things, even if those things bring us despair. I will sit here and think about how I want this past week to come back, or how it went away too quickly… even though I know thinking about those things will only make me sad. Instead, I should be sitting here SMILING, happy that I have the people in my life that I do, happy about all the new memories that were made. But that would be too easy, I mean we can’t ever just be happy can we? Doesn’t there have to be a reason? Because we think like this, we do things we know aren’t good for us. We have grown so accustomed to that daunting “cage” of self-judgment and despair, which keeps us from doing what we so badly want to do. Certain things that we have dreamt about for so long, we avoid doing, and instead we listen to that voice inside of our heads telling us “no,” giving us anxiety, and stripping away our freedom. I see so many people sad with where they work, what they do on their free time, and how repetitive their days get, but our days are only this way because WE make them this way. 
       So, after my fun filled week of laughter and enjoyment, I am not going to allow myself to become “bored and lonely.” Instead, I am going to look over all the pictures I took, and smile at the me mories I made… I am going to watch a movie that I have been so eager to watch, write for my blog, and do things that I love to do, things that make me happy. I want to learn that being alone is okay.  That this time shouldn’t be used for negativity. Stop being scared of what could be, take advantage of your own freedom. 













Every Moment.

Sorry for the lack of updates as of late… I think most of us Bostonians can agree that our attention has been else where, you know.. because of the beautiful fall trees and changing weather. HA… who am I kidding? Its all about the damn Red Sox.
    But here I am, on Tuesday, finding myself confused on what I will being doing later on tonight since the Sox game won’t be on… those selfish players taking travel time off and ruining MY night, how dare them! Anyway, this moment of solidarity had me reminiscing, which these moments usually do. I was thinking about times not long ago, and some times long enough ago, that the memories aren’t so clear. As each one of these memories made me smile, the realization dawned on me, these moments meant nothing while I was in them. Each one of them, at the time, seemed like nothing out of the ordinary, and held no significance, yet here I was, flashing them inside of my skull like a preview to a new movie. This sort of sounds like incoherent rambling, like the page in my journal with run ons, and sentences that barely make sense… but I swear I have a point…I think.
    My mind brought me right back to the first game of the 2013 World Series. I didn’t think back to any particular moment or interaction, nothing of that sort is what made this moment stick out. So why was I flashing back to this time you may ask? Well it all has to do with the way that moment made me feel, happy. I know you are waiting to hear something exciting, but I am sorry to let you down- that just isn’t the case. “OK MacKenzie, then why am I reading this?” I know thats what you are thinking, so I will elaborate.
     For the first game, I was just sitting at a pub with my mom in her old home town, NOTHING exceptional was happening. We were Watching the Red Sox, “Ah’s” and “Oh’s” echoed in unison throughout the bar. Watching my mom scream “he sucks! trade him!” every time our players missed a ball. I would roll my eyes as that same player would come back up to bat and make a great hit, “I’VE ALWAYS LOVED HIM,” she’d scream again… totally contradicting her previous statement. Everyone else who occupied the bar, strangers that I felt like I had known for quite some time, high-fiving one another as the scores flashed on the screen. That was it. That was the moment.
    Only after the fact, only at this very second, did I realize how happy I was at the bar. I wish I had known during that time, how enjoyable it really was. I wish I had taken pictures of my moms smile as she watched Papi hit another homer. I wish I HADN’T brought out my phone to read my twitter news feed, or to text one of my friends. But what I wish most of all? I wish I lived in the moment. I wish I had yelled at each player with my mom, and had not gotten so annoyed instead. I wish I had made more small talk with the strangers around the room that were watching the game so passionately. It hit me, I just wish I didn’t have to look back now to realize all that I am realizing at this very second. Every moment, big or small, can make an impact on your life. I don’t need to meet a celebrity, get a call from a publisher, or get a new car, to form the memories that pop up in my head each time I let my mind wander. BIG things don’t need to happen to make a moment memorable. So my point of this all, and please take it to heart, stop overlooking small moments. Stop bypassing all of the beauty these moments can bring. Relish them all. One day you will look back at them, and you don’t want to have any regrets. Most of the important memories in life you will soon see, are made from small “meaningless” moments with the people you love.