My last post was on September 13th… Lindsey died on the 14th. I have been avoiding this post for awhile now- simply because I still think I am in a dream, or rather, a nightmare.

Before I dive into that terrible day, I want to talk about how both of my sisters were born with Cystic Fibrosis. I lost Ashley on June 14th, 2012.

I took two sleeping pills on September 13th.. I was exhausted, but for some reason I could not fall asleep. TWO pills and I was still rolling back and fourth. Adam kept waking up (slightly annoyed) to ask if I was okay. I told him “I can’t sleep… my body is on fire.” He touched my back, “holy sh*t Mack…” he then touched my head to see if I had a fever, “you don’t have a fever, but your body is literally burning.” I can’t even begin to explain this feeling to you, it was like a burning sensation coursing through my veins. It was miserable. I continued to roll around the bed uncomfortably… jealous of Adam as he slept soundly.

My phone began to go off… I assumed it was my alarm, and that I had just stayed up all night and it was now 7AM. I sat up and grabbed my phone… Adam had woke up in the meantime, “uhh why is my mom calling me at 630AM?” I asked him with a look of confusion. I pondered for a second to think if I had done anything to really tick her off…

“Hello?” I heard her whimper through the phone…without hesitation, “the hospital called, Lindsey is un.. unresponsive.” I was confused. Let me preface for a second, Lindsey was in the hospital for a common problem- pneumonia. She has gotten this many times, and aside from that, her health was fine.

As awful as this sounds, I sort of thought my mom was being dramatic. She tended to make the worst out of everything… and she has every reason to, but I am usually the more ‘level headed’ one of the two of us. But regardless, I texted work and told them I wouldn’t be in. I got dressed, gathered my things, woke Adam up, and we headed to Lawrence General… Which is where she went because Mass General gave her the “we think you are fine… so um, just go to your closest hospital.” The truth- they didn’t want to deal with Lindsey…and shame on them.

As I drove to the hospital, I called my moms phones… “hello” came a voice from the other end, “why didn’t you return my text!!” I spewed out… “MacKenzie, this is your Auntie Debbie..”… “Oh sorry, I am on my way, how is everything going?”  There was then a moment of silence, followed with a, “you just need to get in here.” Right then, I knew something was serious- my Auntie Debbie wouldn’t have said something like that had it not been something really bad.

The drive to the hospital was excruciating.Was this happening all over again? It just didn’t seem real.

I got the floor that Lindsey was on, as I walked down the hallway I saw my uncle standing outside of a waiting room area… he looked at me, and then walked back into the waiting room. I could feel that the vibe was off… something was wrong. As I got closer, my Auntie Debbie walked out with a look of sympathy on her face, she shook her head, “I am sorry….” Everything just stopped in that moment. “No…” I screamed with tears dripping off my chin. “This is not happening again!” I turned around and walked away.

I asked the doctors, the nurses, anyone that walked by, what the hell happened… every response I got was, “honestly, we don’t know… she was fine last night, cleaning her hospital room, watching TV… she just didn’t wake up.”

There are no answers as to why she died, or what happened. At the end of the day, will answers make it better? Will it change the fact that by 25 years old I have buried two of my sisters?

I will remain strong, I really, really will. I just need sometime to decompress.


The Man Behind the Blog

I have a love/hate with Sundays…. Part of me loves it because its me and Adams only day off together (he is still passed out next to me as I type this…) but part of me hates it because it means tomorrow is Monday! I physically don’t understand how weekends go by so quickly. 

I thought this would be a fun blog post- and I have seen it traveling around on a few other blogs I read, it is a little interview with Adam hence the ‘man behind the blog.’ I asked him questions while we had lunch yesterday and these were the answers- 

1. Whats the name of my blog?
A:Breathe Easy…
M: nope
A:Uhh, Breathe Easy With Me.

3. What do you think about my blog?
A: Ummm (LONG PAUSE!!) I think that its very inspirational… but sometimes I think that it should be more personal. 
M: is that all?
A: No. I think its a representation of why I love you so much. And I was blown away by your story.

4. What is your favorite post that I’ve have written?
A: the one about me…
M: what one is that? haha
A: Any post about me 

5. Who is the cook between you and your significant other? 
A: Definitely Me! (he was way too quick to answer that). 

6. Are you the date planner type or do you fly by the seat of your pants?
A: Fly by the seat of my pants! 

7. Tell us about a date-night-gone-wrong for you and your girlfriend. If it’s funny, all the better!
A: I last minute convinced you to see the hobbit even though you really didn’t want to see it.. and I ended up falling asleep during most of it. 

8. Let’s cover all the topics…sports…who are you rooting for in the Football this year?
A: Unfortunately, I am forced to root for the Patriots. But I am actually a Cowboys fan… 

9. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A: Italy

10. Think about your ideal vacation…are you in a cozy cabin, camping in a tent, or hanging in a hotel?
A: Hanging in a hotel

11. Are there any fall traditions that you have or would like to start? (think things like big picnics, summer activities, bonfires, or day trips!)
A: Apple Picking

12. Who would play your wife/fiance/girlfriend in a movie or TV show about your lives?
A. Jennifer Aniston
A: Yeah but I think she would be good playing you. 

13. What song best sums you up?
A: (long pause) Eminem lose yourself.. 
M: why!?

A: Just because, uh, I don’t know I had to make it in this world on my own.. and in the song he talks about being scared to succeed, but pushing on to succeed anyway and that best represents how I am. 

He really liked answering these, so I will definitely be doing more!

Is it the Weekend Yet?

Labor day weekend you just were not long enough!!! People… I even had last Friday off along with Monday, but I still woke up Tuesday morning exhausted- dreading the thought of another week. 
My weeks have been busy… very busy! 
The week before Labor day I flew out to LA for work on Wednesday, and came back on Friday morning… did I mention the week right before that, I flew out to LA for work on Wednesday and came back Friday morning… yeah, I did that. The last two weeks I flew out to LA for a two day period and worked the entire time I was there. I was so tired. Like you think it sounds a lot cooler than it actually is.
I did get some cool pictures though- 

I was there for work and no play- but I did stop at In n Out because I am basic. 
The worst part is Adam works Friday and Saturday until close- so that is until around 3/4am, so coming back from California all I wanted to do was snuggle and lay in bed with him… but I couldn’t. He does have off Sunday so we make sure Sunday’s are our Fundaysszzzz. ha. But really, we spend the morning snuggling and drinking coffee- or I make him go get me a coffee from Dunks (thanks boo), then we spend time walking Sam (WHO IS HUGE BTW), and then we go out to dinner… but have to be home by 8 to watch Bachelor in Paradise (Adam loves that show as much as me). 
This particular Sunday we went to Anthems in Faneuil Hall.. it was our go to spot when I lived on Milk Street. He is a creature of habit and apparently loves their chicken sandwich. You would think since he works in the restaurant industry he would want to venture out a little more?? But nope. He also got the fried twinkies!! I swear if you have met Adam you know how skinny he is- where does the food go!? If I had a fried twinkie you would immediately see the weight gain, ha. 
On our walk home from Anthem I mentioned s’mores- we decided to stop at Walgreens and get all the essentials to make s’mores… yes Adam could fit more in that body. So we did what any city living person who wanted s’mores would do…
Once we realized the lighter wasn’t working- Adam put a piece of paper towel on fire and in a pan on top of the oven (Warning: this is dangerous…) They were actually delicious. 

Then last Sunday- Adam went golfing with his friends 😦 :(. Its okay, he asked way in advance- not that he needs to ask (crazy gf probz) but more because it is one of our only days together so it was just nice of him to ask. So I went back to my house in Andover and spent the day with my mom… which really came down to me watching tennis :(. Go Serena, I guess? I also brought along Sampson who is an odd pup- I love him so much, but I feel like he needs his own TV show… yes, that sounds weird, but I swear to you he has a huge personality. 
We ended up having a seafood bake for dinner and it was delicious!!

That is it for now. I still have some blog posts in my drafts that need to be published. Like the craze about Pumpkin Spice coffee? I have seriously been trying to drink it but just… can’t. 

I watch too much TV?


      I have never been a TV watcher… I could sit on my computer all day and night, but sitting in front of a TV was a different story. Growing up I never even had a TV in my room- I could have, I just didn’t see the point. If I wanted to watch something I would watch it on my computer (usually by finding illegal links that caused a million in one popups- BUT STilll Bettter than TV am i Rite?) Buttttt, Adam has now taught me that I can now just click the playstation button and wah-la- access to our Hulu Plus account, Netflix and Amazon Prime. So now, every day after work I grab a glass of wine and switch on the TV. 
      Due to this I have become a series queen. I can go through a TV series in a matter of weeks- skillz. I thought I would let you know some of the series I have been loving if you are interested in looking for a new show- (Also let me know what shows I should look into… I think Bloodline will be my next??)

Orange is the New Black– Ok, I remember hearing about this… and seeing statuses about this show EVERYWHERE. I mean, I couldn’t log into any of my social accounts with out hearing “TASTEE IS HILARIOUS…” “PENSATUCKY!!” I never cared to even watch it… but as I was scrolling through my Netflix account and saw it, I thought I’d give it a shot… and I caught up to the current season within two weeks. But now I have to wait for the new season to come out which is suppose to be in the Summer of 2016 😦 😦 :(. But anyway, if you are looking for an intriguing, raunchy, funny, dramatic show- definitely watch this one. 
House of Cards– Here is another one that I avoided even though I was constantly hearing about it. I just didn’t want to watch a show about politics since that is all I ever heard about in the news and on my social accounts..(you know those people who are always blasting their political views even though no one asked). But then my love for Kevin Spacey took over… I have always had the BIGGEST crush on him, obsessed really. Speaking of Kevin Spacey, he was walking next to me at this years Boston Marathon.. and I noticed him and literally froze- I was stuttering, Adam was behind me and said “What the hell is wrong with you?” Because he didn’t realize who it was. I then reached out to him to grab him, quickly stopping myself because thats not appropriate, and just like that, he put his head phones in and began to run. I gave Adam attitude the rest of the day/also cried/ because I was depressed that the love of my life had ran past me and I couldn’t even muster a word. Okay, but now back to HOC, its so good and Frank Underwood is so bad ass. I feel like him in Claire are the modern day Bonnie and Clyde. 
UnBREAKable Kimmy Schmidt– Such a goofy show, but it makes me laugh. There is only one season on Netflix so you know it only took me a day to catch up with. 

Okay and now my other obsession with Netflix- Watching the most obscure/shitty rated movies. I love, love watching like 1 star scary movies about puppets taking over and becoming murderers, clown movies- and I am not talking ‘IT’ I am talking like horribly made clown movies, kids taking over towns because they are possessed… this is all making me sound like I am crazy- but these movies are hiiii-larious. 

And then I keep up with the shows that I am watching in real time via Hulu Plus. Pretty little liars– huggggge let down. And come on, how are you continuing with this show? SIX YEARS and it was *SPOILER**** CEECEE?????? 
Bachelor in Paradise– LOL. Adam loves this show too, sorry boo!
Law and Order SVU– They are on a hiatus now, but can you believe that I have completely caught up with this show… it is either sad or talented… (sad.) 
Bobs Burgers– Definitely one of Adam and I’s favorite shows. It is absolutely hilarious. 

And then I use Amazon to watch movies that have just be released to DVD. I just watched ‘Get Hard’ with Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart- So funny! I had low expectations for this, but was pleasantly surprised. Such an unexpected duo that worked so well together. 

Boycotting uber!!


       I have had my fair share of frustrations with Uber. I get the convenience of it, and it is usually a dollar or two cheaper than your normal taxi…  plus not having to tip, glorious. Wonderful… Except not. 
      Okay prior to this weekend, Uber has always been a hate-love with me. I have never had an Uber ride just show up without having to call and say “WHERE ARE YOU? THE PIN TOLD ME YOU WERE HERE.” … “Well sir or madam, I am not there I am here….” 20 minutes passes, and they finally show up- meanwhile I have seen about ten taxis race by.
I can deal with that, I can deal with people getting lost and not finding my location right away. But this weekend just made me despise Uber. 
       So, my job gave me tickets to the Red Sox- Yankee’s game. Which was awesome because I love the Sox (sad season) and Adam is a big Yankees fan (always sad). I had to meet someone on the sales team at Fenway before the game, so I called for an Uber earlier so that I could get to the park early (duh). 
        First of all, at one hand it said “1 minute away” then 2 minutes passed and it is now “5 minutes away..” So, Adam and I sat outside our apt waiting…and I looked down and got notified “Driver cancelled ride.” No call, nothing, just cancelled. “Whatever, I will just order another…” The next one comes, I get in, and while we are driving I get an e-mail “cancellation fee $10.00.” WHAT! I didn’t go on the ride, nor did I cancel it.. how am I being charged for 10 dollars? I immediately contacted uber support and told them… they gave me some speal about “if the ride is cancelled when they are within a proixmity of you then you get charged” OKAY UBER, you need some new technology that will tell you who was the one that cancelled the ride. If it was the driver, then that is due to their own issues and has nothing to do with the rider. Regardless, they reimbursed me for 10 dollars on my next ride (so the one I was currently on). The ride came up as 10cents. I checked my account, I was charged 5 dollars.

       After the game, we called an Uber to get home… It was taking awhile, so I looked down and he had put into the system that I WAS ALREADY on the trip… I get an email that it charged me 15 dollars!! WTF. 15?! I live in Boston, I was going from Fenway to my APT… it would never cost that much. 
Okay, I am fuming now. 
      And I am an idiot who called for another Uber… I thought “this shit can’t happen again” WRONG. They driver cancelled (mind you I was at Fenway which is a pretty monumental place in Boston and should not be hard to find). And yet again, I got another e-mail saying it charged me ten dollars. My blood was pumping fast. I was so pissed. 25 DOLLARS CHARGED AND I WAS STILL AT FENWAY. 

I ended up getting a normal Boston taxi…

I sent about 10 emails to the support team saying I DO NOT WANT THIS MONEY for another ride, I want to be reimbursed because I won’t be using Uber again. 
They did reimburse, but still were passive aggressively talking about “if a ride is cancelled blah blah” Okay cool, I didn’t cancel it. 

Regardless, we had fun at the game- 

Things on the web.

So, if I am not working, sleeping or eating…. I am scrolling through the internet finding new blogs, Instagram’s, or stalking a friends brothers wife’s sister’s Facebook. 

Here are some of my current favorite videos/articles/blogs on the web:

When I am hungry, I like to torture myself by going to NYCDINING’S Instagram. DROOL. DYING. AMAZING. How does she stay so skinny? Damn girl. 

“According to The White House, full-time working women earn just 77 cents for every dollar a man earns. That’s some shameful sh*t,” the bar’s owner wrote on their website. “So The Way Station is going to do something about it.” A pretty awesome read- Discounted drinks for females! 

When I am at work I obsess over my own dogs Instagram, can you believe he is smart enough to use Instagram all on his own? @SampsonTheShepherd

I buy excessive amounts of clothes from this INSANELY cheap online clothing store in China- takes awhile for the clothes to come in, but its worth it when you get like 10 outfits for 100 dollars- AMAZING DEALS!

Hilarious videos get me through the day….
My heart melted.
Nearly choked.

Watching the video of the FSU Quarterback punching that girl made me absolutely sick- Your career is over.

I do need this Pizza Dip in my life… like ASAP. Drooling.

The Daily Horoscope App is accurate as hellllll- Freaky.

Have something funny/interesting/horrifying/weird for me to watch or read… let me know!! 

July 4th festivities.

         It was a beautiful weekend to celebrate our wonderful country. #USA #USA.
I had nothing really planned, and wanted just to go with the flow. Sidenote: The whole weekend was confusing because I thought that Friday was Saturday and that Saturday was Sunday- which isn’t a bad thing, just confusing. You know… when you wake up frantically Sunday thinking its Monday. 
        Anyway, Friday afternoon was so beautiful so we took advantage of the heat and took Sampson on a long walk from the South end all the way to Back Bay. He was dying, but we realized he was 7months old so we went to the Polka Dog Bakery  and got him treats… including a ‘pupcake’ which he diarrhead out not long after. 

Then laid by the pool to catch some sun before the day was over!

      Friday night, Adam and I went out to dinner with my mom and Lindsey. We hit up Del Frisco’s (I need to yelp review this place, if you haven’t heard I am not Yelp Elite- I feel cool). The food was great, the drinks were great… but the WAIT. I made a reservation and still had to wait for over 30 minutes for a table. Just don’t overbook. It is annoying. 
If you go, definitely try the ‘VIP cocktail’ it is pineapple infused and delicious. Although more than one of those types of drinks usually upset my stomach because they are very sweet. I got tipsy, and so did Adam- who is SUCH a light weight its hilarious… 2 drinks, thats all it takes… at least he is a cheap date ;). 


      Saturday was low key in the morning since the weather kind of sucked. So we took advantage of the later hours when the sun finally broke through the colds. We drove up to NH, bought a ton of fireworks… stopped at a beach side restaurant ordered A TON of seafood (steamers, lobster) ate allllll of it. They also weren’t BYOB like we thought, so we had to buy their expensive, cheap plastic cup of wine- so we decided to sneakily open our bottle for refills. Rebels.

Then on Sunday, after having a panic attack, I decided to head to the Cape since Adam had to work. I went to Chatham to visit my friends Nick and Colin, whom I am sure you have seen on this blog. We spent the day at Nicks house, then went to the Beachcomber in Orleans, which was a blast! And I ate more seafood. I feel like I am good without seafood for awhile. 

It was a successful weekend, but I wouldn’t have minded a few more days.