10 things that have changed me since losing both of my sisters.

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1. I’ve realized the importance of life. I learned how fragile it is and how I must take advantage of every opportunity that crosses my path.
2. I think more about my future then I ever have… “who will I confide in when I am older?” I see my mom and her sisters and how close they are, and I can’t help but think how I will never have that.
3. I appreciate time spent with my mom so much more, and her strength is truly, truly inspiring.
4. It has made me question God and heaven…I try to pray to Lindsey and Ashley… but then I think.. “can they even hear me? or am I just talking to the sky?”
5. I think about my future children… they will never meet their aunts. All they will ever hear are stories… and I know personally that those stories don’t mean nearly as much as they would if you had actually met the person. I want them to love them as I did… but they won’t.
6. I HATE ‘National sibling day’ and I hate social media on the holidays…
7. Speaking of holidays… I don’t get nearly as excited about them.
8. I also have a hard time being around siblings, whether it be friends or cousins, because I see how close they are and I know I will never have that again. And when people tell me “you are a sibling to me” I smile, but I know its not the same as your actual siblings.
9. I realized that being strong is both a blessing and a curse.
10. I have a lot less sympathy for people and situations when they are so trivial.
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Being more personal?

Is it Thursday?? I don’t know…my days have pretty much been running one into the other. I took time off work after Lindsey’s passing… losing two sisters within the last 3 years called for time off (it also helped that the company I was working for was bought out so everyone that worked there is now job-less.. I got that text at 1030 at night after Lindsey passed…#life). With this time I have learned that I really love cleaning LOL. I am obsessed with keeping my apartment spotless, and Adam gets annoyed that I vacuum every day because Sampson acts like the vacuum is literally a monster from hell- anyone’s dog do this? HAVE I BECOME DOMESTICATED??

I wanted to take this time to Blog more and I feel like I haven’t done that at all. I really just blank whenever I log into my account. What do I even say at this point? I feel like a black cloud is constantly following over me in life. The saying ‘when it rains it pours’ is like x10 for me. But I got a few nasty comments on my blog (people if you want to come off anonymous and talk to me, please do…) I was going to just take a break all together. But then I read an old post ‘the man behind the blog,’ where Adam had made a comment “I wish you would be more personal…” and it really hit me, I hate reading blogs that seem so fake, you know the ones– This is my really cute life… this is my really cute outfit…this is what I did this weekend…it was perfect….. blah blah blah. So, I have decided I am going to be more candid with you guys. All the nitty gritty.

So what else is happening in my life right now? We are saying good-bye to my child hood home. I will tell you the reason for why we are getting rid of it in another post- but for now I will just use this post to tell you how much it sucks. I understand it is something that needs to happen for my moms sake.. I mean, you walk down the hall way and you see two rooms where my sisters use to stay. The rooms are still set up the exact same way as if they never left. It is like you have to hold your breath every time you walk by them. And because I now live on my own, my poor mother was living there on her own. It is just unbearable. So she has moved to a new place, one that is a good size for just her (our old house was about 5,500 square feet- insane for one person).

So this weekend we are doing a huge, open house (selling everything inside) sale. It is an everything must go type of thing. My mother doesn’t want to really be there when it all goes down because she doesn’t want to see all of her things things being sold- which makes sense, so I have recruited all of my awesome cousins and Adam to help me out! Thanks guys, you da best!

Well that is it for now… I am going to get back to my scary movie watching.